“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Everyone always talks about purpose. Searching, finding, discovering, pursuing, doing everything they can to track down this elusive beast. As if, in finding it, everything else will drift gently into place. I think that our purpose is ever changing. When I was younger my sole purpose was not taking a nose dive off the patio, or to play outside until the street lights came on. But with every passing year, there seems to be more and more stress placed on zoning in on one’s purpose and maximizing all that potential we hear about, and all that character we have built over years of mowing the lawn and shoveling the drive.

There have been several times that I thought I had come face to face with my purpose, but it never quite worked out for whatever reason. Be it in my personal, or professional life, the supposed purpose always led to a drastic change. It started to become clear to me that I wasn’t finding my purpose, but the purpose of the given situation. I wasn’t supposed to have a certain job, I was meant to learn a set of skills. I wasn’t supposed to be in that relationship, the relationship was meant to teach me certain things about myself. I have learned many valuable lessons, one of the most important being the fact that you don’t have to try and find your purpose. If you spend your days on a quest to better yourself, and to only measure yourself up to the person you were yesterday, you are doing your part. I have grown from every experience I’ve had. Not looking at anything as a negative, only an opportunity to grow. Taking every positive as a stepping stone to the next big thing. Each situation that presents itself builds on the last. Always moving forward, never slowing down.

I no longer search for my purpose, I search for a better understanding of me. I’m sure it’s waiting three corners down, on the left. My purpose is lurking in the shadows, waiting to change my life forever. In the moment I least expect it, my purpose will find me.

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Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out – Terry Pratchett

Day six without coffee. I have made the switch to tea and I feel much less reliant on it to get me through the day. By the end, I was drinking a coffee first thing in the morning and then switching to tea, but not really enjoying that first coffee. I was mostly just using it to get to my first tea of the day, but knew I needed it if I didn’t want to suffer a headache. Kind of like back when I was smoking and the first thing I would do was grab a coffee from the kitchen and head right out and light my cigarette. I enjoyed the sunrise, and the quiet, but I never enjoyed that first smoke of the day. It always tasted terrible, but I needed to get the terrible one out of the way to get to the good ones later. If I didn’t have a smoke first thing, and had one after I had gotten ready to face the day, then THAT one would have been gross. Who wants a gross cigarette after you’ve already resolved to take the world by storm? Not this fella!

Eventually I learned that if you don’t smoke any of them at all, none of them taste terrible , and once you hack, cough, and dislodge everything you’ve firmly smoked into your lungs, you feel a lot better during the run of a day. Kicking coffee lovingly, and gently, to the curb has brought me back to a very simple concept that I continually forget. Which is, if it’s not working for you, doesn’t serve a legitimate purpose, and/or has more cons than pros….step away. Granted it’s not always that easy, but sometimes it is. On occasion it’s as easy as simply saying “well, that’s over and done with,” and continuing on the trail you’re currently blazing. Doing so doesn’t mean that what you are walking away from is wrong, or bad, or any other negative word you can throw at it. Walking away just means that you have grown from, and past, the experience and are ready for whatever comes next. That you have gleaned some valuable insight into what you want or don’t want moving forward, and are able to adapt your plan of attack accordingly.

I used to always say that cigarettes were a great conversation starter, because it afforded me the opportunity to meet people without walking up to them awkwardly (at that point in my life, I did most things awkwardly…still do) and sparking a conversation was as easy as “have you got a light?” It always seemed that I met really interesting people in the smoking section at VFS. Sure, it may have taken me longer to find them if we didn’t all smoke, but I would have crossed paths with the ones I was meant to. It was the same with coffee. We would all crowd around a table, the aroma of freshly ground beans swirling all around, and the day was that much better for it. You can sit in the same circle and steep tea while steeping your soul in a pool of conversation and camaraderie, with the same end result.

It doesn’t matter so much what you do, but who you do it with. No matter what you choose to drive down life’s highway, there are countless twists and turns, and a myriad of back roads you can take. The journey is, truly, what you make it. That being said, there are a finite number of seats, make sure you’ve got the best people to fill them.

 

Let’s Go Exploring!

The moment you get all hyped up to update your blog, get your tea, your music, sit down, and little puffs of dust fly out your ears and fingertips. The brain is a fickle beast. When I’m in bed trying to sleep, it wants to know the answers to all of life’s big questions, to which the answer is (of course) 42. But when I actually feel like writing something of note, it simply goes “splut.” Although, I suppose that is the time when it’s best to just listen to your own body and brain. Which is something I’ve been working on. I’ve started doing daily meditation, and with that came the realization that I can’t do everything. That if I need to take a break, I should, rather than getting annoyed at not being able to do something I want to. All I end up accomplishing is providing the new day with an overworked and under nurtured version of myself. A brand new day can’t do very much with a body and mind unwilling to meet or exceed its potential. Take some time to check in with yourself and see what’s going on,  just to see how you’re doing. Better yet, ask yourself how you’re doing and REALLY mean it, because in this day and age “How are you?” can have as much meaning as a tip of the cap in passing. We’re all too busy to stop and have a connection, we’ve lost that sense of community. I say it is time we take it back.

I wouldn’t ask you to commit to something if I wasn’t willing to do the same, so for that reason, I have a question for everyone who is taking the time to read this, how are you? I mean that sincerely, you are taking time out of your day to see what’s going on with me, so I want to know what’s going on with you. Let’s use the technology we have at our fingertips to our advantage!  Shoot me off an e-mail, it can be a sentence or a novel, whatever tickles your fancy. If you want to be heard, I want to hear from you.

 

Have a great day!

 

UPDATE!

One of the little girls from the Childcare program where I work came up to me with her hand outstretched and said “This is for you.” She had nothing to gain, no ulterior motive (that I know of,) she just saw this and wanted me to have it. She had just come in, so she seemingly brought it from home. Sure, it’s a pom pom, but it is certainly the thought that counts. It’s the little things in life that can make the biggest impact.

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And that has made all the difference.

Life has been hectic, everything that could have gone awry has and it’s taken me a while to get it all under control once again.

 

But I have come out the other side of the tunnel, and am once again on the right path. It may not be the path that most would choose, but it’s mine.

 

I’ve been sticking to a meal plan and regular exercise and, since October 30th, I’ve gone from 173lbs to 150 and am not slowing down. I’m focusing on me and all the aspects of my life I can control, following my meal plan, exercising, getting my finances in order, and getting my career on track. Most other things are outside of my immediate influence and therefore not a concern.

 

This means I’ll be back with more recipes and small windows into my life as of late. If that appeals to you, enjoy the show. If not, please make your way to the exits.